For a few weeks now, I've been compiling a list of people who are consistently funny on Twitter. I consulted friends and followers, fellow journalists, existing "Funny People on Twitter" lists (there are many), and even a few of my comedian friends. What I found were a lot of "funny" Tweeters who are consistently self-deprecating, angry (sorry @LouisCK), self-promoting (sorry @joelmchale), needy, or rude (sorry @sarahsilverman), but not consistently funny.
I also found some Tweeters who have obviously found their voice in this new medium, and are having a ball writing for it every day.
Fair warning: If you are offended by coarse language please don't click through to the Twitter feeds I've marked R-rated.
1. Sh*t My Dad Says (@shitmydadsays), 485,722 followers
Rating: R, for chronic F-bomb usage.
Twitter bio: Name: Justin I'm 29. I live with my 73-year-old dad. He is awesome. I just write down sh*t that he says.
This one may be a little overexposed, but it's simply the funniest Twitter feed I've seen to date. The bio information on the account sets it up perfectly, so I'll say no more.
"You know, sometimes it's nice having you around. But now ain't one of those times. Now gimmie the remote we're not watching this bullsh*t."
"I turn the kitchen faucet on and the shower burns you, yes, I get it...No, I'm not gonna stop, I'm just saying yes, I get that concept."
"No, you can not borrow my t-shirt...How about instead of standing there looking shocked, you do your f*cking laundry?"
2. Fake Michael Bay (@fakemichaelbay), 928 followers
Twitter bio: Better than you. (Not affiliated with the real michael bay) Location: One of My Mansions
I have no idea who dreamed up this account, but its portrayal of a massive ego that loves to tweet never fails to satisfy. The real Michael Bay is the macho Hollywood producer who brought us such landmark films as Transformers and Texas Chainsaw Massacre: The Beginning . And Fake Michael Bay has no end of fun making light of the many clichés on which (real) Bay's movie plots--and public persona--rest.
"FYI: Bullets cannot hit you if you are either laying down or in a convertible."
"Some people say that my hyper-masculinity is overcompensation for my betrayed homoerotic leanings fueled by 180mph car crashes. My Answer: ?"
"No homeless guy, I do not have any spare money. Particularly after spending $175 on this Whole Foods Salad."
3. Stephen Colbert (@stephenathome), 1,082,754 followers
Rating: PG; doesn't tweet anything (much) he wouldn't say on TV.
Twitter bio: [none]
Now here's a surprise: Stephen Colbert's Twitter feed is funny! Colbert has surely succeeded Howard Stern as America's new King of All Media.
"Happy 60th birthday communist china. fyi - in america that's traditionally the debt-forgiving anniversary."
"if a clown offers you a hamburger, and it's not ronald mcdonald, do not eat the hamburger. learned that the hard way."
"if the undead get born again, do they cancel each other out?"
4. Meeting Boy (@meetingboy), 1571 followers
Rating: PG; worst word I could find was "whore."
Twitter bio: Say or do something stupid in a meeting and I'll tweet it. Location: across the conference table.
If you liked Mike Judge's movie Office Space, chances are you'll get a kick out of Meeting Boy. He simply tweets about meetings and the funny/stupid things people do in them--and in the workplace in general. It's essentially a funny-cuz-it's-true chronicle of the everyday bullcrap and doublespeak we have to endure at the great tragic sitcom we star in every day at work.
"Two weeks left on a tight deadline. 'Starting Monday the team will meet every day for status.' Problem solved!"
"I hope the unexplained emergency that forced you to be out of the office Thursday through Tuesday went OK. Also, nice tan."
"Senior management announces that Account Management is now called 'Idea Management', but somehow I'm the bad guy for yelling ‘April Fools!'"