How to snag a gamer girlfriend
- — 07 February, 2010 15:10
The girl gamer is a rare breed of lady. Like a ninja or a flying unicorn, she remains perpetually shrouded in myth and/or shadow. Statistics would have us believe that over 40 percent of gamers are female — but come on. When was the last time you got trash-talked on Modern Warfare 2 by the dulcet tones of a woman? The fact is: you have a better chance of meeting a girl with an interest in Gauguin than gaming (girls are a lot smarter than us, y’see).
A girl gamer in her natural habitat
But that’s not to say that female gamers don’t exist. You just need to adopt the right mindset and know where to look. If you pine for a fellow gamer to keep you warm at night — and your hairy roommate just isn’t cutting it — then you need to read this article. Armed with the following tips, you're guaranteed to land the gamer girlfriend of your dreams. Maybe.
Tip 1: Stick to your own league
Hnnngh...
Look at the girl in this picture. Now erase her from your memory forever. She has been paid by Microsoft to look vaguely interested while holding an Xbox controller. As much as we’d like to believe otherwise, part-time models don’t spend their downtime playing Halo 3 in their underwear (with the possible exception of Jessica Chobot.)
Besides, the girl in that photo would almost certainly crush you to death with her elephant-sized hoofs. Just look at the size of those bloody things! Gargantuan feet notwithstanding, our advice is to aim lower. Morgan Webb, Felicia Day and that cute chick who licks Xbox controllers are not going to date you. Stick to your own league.
Jessica Chobot: not gonna happen
What we’re trying to say here, is that beggars can’t be choosers. There is only one stud gamer in this world and his name is Vin Diesel. Chances are, your guns don’t measure up. Set your sights on a girl gamer with slightly less facial hair than you — if she agrees to go on a date, you’re doin' pretty well for yourself.
Tip 2: Join an MMO
World of Warcraft: there be ladies
MMOs are unusually popular with girl gamers. In fact, the genre's crawling with more female chromosomes than a lonely mad scientist's petri dish. According to a recent Nielsen study, over two-thirds of online gamers are women — and most of ‘em can be found playing World of Warcrack. (Er, we mean World of Warcraft.) With over 40,000 registered female players in the US alone, WoW is the ultimate hunting ground for affection-starved gamers. It’s basically one big lonely hearts club, but with trolls, gnomes and ogres. [So, no change there then. -- Ed.]
But it’s not just the desperate-and-dateless who play World of Warcraft. Some confirmed WoW-hotties include Cameron Diaz, Mila Kunis, Kate Beckinsale, Jenna Jameson and Playboy model Adrianne Curry — who reportedly enjoys playing in the buff. (See below.) As WoW blogger ‘Jaimie’ writes: “There are literally millions of people waiting to find a new raiding partner, on their computer screen and in life.”
Adrianne Curry is a self-confessed WoW fanatic (please refer to Tip 1)
Unlike most multiplayer games, MMOs are about establishing lasting relationships, as opposed to forming rivalries. For example, on Valentines Day you can surprise your WoW crush with a flower or piece of jewelry in-game. As you can imagine, this tends to go down better than shooting her in the head and tea-bagging her crumpled corpse. [In real-life too — Ed.]
Our advice is to join a guild with a skewered gender-ratio and then latch onto the most affable elf babe in your party. Naturally, voice-chat is a must during MMO courtships — otherwise you might be wooing a 40-year old mechanic called Bruce. If you play your cards right, you’ll soon be chatting on the phone, arranging lunch dates and making beautiful Kaldorei babies together. As an added bonus, you’ll also get to date her in-game avatar — that’s two romantic partners for the price of one! (If she decides to start playing a dude, just go with it. Experimentation is the key to a healthy relationship.)
The only problem is... are MMO-fans really proper gamers? You might as well be dating a girl who only plays The Sims. (Just sayin’.)
Tip 3: Join GameCrush.com
Please insert coin...
GameCrush is a new online 'dating' service that lets you play video games with women in exchange for cold, hard cash. It's basically a virtual brothel that substitutes Halo for sex. No really. For the princely sum of US$41.70 an hour, you get to choose a lady from Gamecrush’s roster of buxom ‘PlayDates’ and proceed to pwn her in the video game of your choice. Or you could let her beat your avatar to a bloody pulp in-game — whatever floats your boat.
The question is, are you desperate enough to try and score with a platonic prostitute who is solely in it for the cash?
"Hell yeah!" would appear to be the most popular response. Within a few hours of its beta launch, the Gamecrush website was swamped by thousands of requests from horny gamers in an orgy of passion-fuelled server annihilation. “The GameCrush Public Beta is temporarily unavailable due to the incredible user response (more than 10,000 inquiries in five minutes),” explained the front page.
Of course, the PlayDates aren't really gamers -- no more than a dominatrix is a bonafide school teacher. But at least they're willing to talk to you... for a price.
Tip 4: Hit a gaming bar
Mana Bar
The bar has long been the Mecca of the dating world. Fueled by Dutch courage and with beer-goggles donned, it’s the most likely place to find a romantic partner (or a sweaty night of mutual self-loathing).
If either of those prospects sounds appealing to you, you need to get your butt to a gaming bar. These uniquely-themed watering holes attempt to combine gaming with social drinking — and they’re bringing girl gamers out of the woodworks. We like to imagine that the men who built these bars were galvanized by Field of Dreams-style visions: “If you build it, they will come, etc.”
For Australians, there’s the Mana Bar in Brisbane, a “funky drinking venue” co-owned by the legendary Ben Crowshaw (AKA Yahtzee). The Mana Bar features playable consoles seven days a week, with an emphasis on social gaming. Remember, you’re not here to devastate noobs with blistering kill-streaks. If you want to impress a girl gamer you need to make her laugh — and what could be funnier than warbling unmusically into a SingStar microphone?
Meanwhile, Japanese gamers can swing by Roppongi, Tokyo and check out Ludia’s Bar. As its name implies, Ludia’s Bar is inspired by the popular JRPG series Dragon Quest which features an inn with the same name. The bar’s grand opening coincided with the release of Dragon Quest VI on the Nintendo DS (coincidentally, the girl gamer's console of choice). While it doesn't recreate the 'Ye Olde Taveyrn' setting, Ludia's Bar does offer a bunch of themed dishes and cocktails; including a 'Hyad Cool' drink and something called a 'Goddess's Fruit'. Frankly, if a girl rebuffs your attempts to buy her a Hyad Cool drink, she's just not worth it. (Who turns down a free Hyad Cool drink? Seriously?)
Unfortunately, the likelihood of these places being rampant sausage factories is a lot higher than your average bar 'n' bistro. Bummer.
Tip 5: Convert a non-gamer!
To be honest, this is probably the only tip you need. Y'see, love is a hideous and complicated monster beyond any of our understanding. If you narrow the field to just girl gamers, you'll be embarking on an impossible mission — even if you happen to look like Hugh Jackman's hotter, younger brother.
Our advice is to find a girl you like, and who by some cosmic coincidence, happens to like you back. If the relationship works out, she's bound take an interest in your hobbies... including gaming.
Related articles:
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Grand Theft Auto 'inspired sex attacker'
In Pictures: Sex in Video Games
The Ultimate Sex Swindle: The porn of Evony.com exposed
The video game 'Shame' file: things that make us ashamed to be gamers
Follow GamePro Australia on Twitter: @GameProAu
Comments
Tamazon
Fri 12/02/2010 - 05:59
You're right on SOME counts...
I've been a girl gamer since Pong. Yes, that somewhat gives away my age but I was also part of an edu-experimental group for young'uns that had us programming BASIC on Syntax computers hooked to tiny tv screens. Apparently in the early 80's they hadn't read that children don't develop the abstract thinking required to program until they are nearing puberty. Silly teachers, they think they know everything. But I digress.
Dad always had a thing for new techonlogy. We were one of the first people around us to have a VCR. He bought us Hooked on Phonics (I could read at an exceptionally young age thanks to it, I was mad-addicted to it). We had an ADAM computer from Radioshack at one point... we had Colecovision, Atari, Sega, you name it... but it was me who got the family hooked on the original Dune II RTS, who beat Kings Quest first (Adventure SIM) and totally rocked at Buck Rogers (Flight SIM?) on cassette tape. I think I was around 8.
What makes a female gamer? Intelligence for most. Upbringing for many. But the key is that it never occurs to them that LIKING things that belong in the realm of 'guy stuff' is wrong. I was brought up with a belief to the contrary.
I grew up on an acreage in BC with no one close-by to play with but my bro and my older male cousin. If I didn't want to have a one-sided romance with Ken and Barbie (its so boring playing both parts, Ken never seems to do something interesting like tell Barbie to bring him a beer and a catfight ensues), I had to read comics. I had to play video games. I had to know what a ninja was.
Now, granted I didn't go so far as my brother and his friends and stalk the night on a sleepover, clad in black with dark tshirts pulled over our heads so just our eyes peered through the neckhole (if the tag was showing, fluttering above their foreheads, I'm sure it read LOSER :p) but I did learn archery, I did learn that martial arts literally kick ass and you should never try to catch a shuriken or tip-toe through caltrops. I also learned that if you don't know how to properly use nunchuks, ask mom for some children's tylenol and a cold pack.
Eventually we moved into a city setting but the seeds were already planted. I've beaten almost every single game I've touched... unless they sucked, then I get bored... at which point I really think the creators should have at least TRIED to ask one of the fairer gender on how to make improvements prior to alpha launch.
I was utilizing the 'net before it was truly THE net. I'd crackle open a handshake on my 2400 baud modem to a unix shell at my university to open a telemate session to IRC or even, yes I know, play on a MUD. I eventually became a goddess/admin on it even! I rode the wave of new technology as it came out, learning more and more from my fellow on-line friends until it got to the point where I know work in I.T... and I built my last gaming rig. It's not the best in the world... but it was for the money I had for it at the time and its fully scalable until the prices on my two fav websites drop enough to tug at the fem side of me... because every girl does indeed still love a good bargain.
I can play all formats and destroy them. I can RTS, FPS, TBS, MMO (PVE/PVP/RPG-PVP is WTF to me but hey, to each their own), RPG (and ashamedly yes even the SIMs) my way through anything. If I play against you, I will trash talk you... but in a good natured way. If I'm your designated healer, you'll survive and I'll give you everything I've got. I will flank you, use my environment, tactically trick you into giving me the advantage, strafe silently through shadows and pop a sweet shot right to your sweet spot and drop you without a sound. And then I'll laugh with you.
I have dated fellow gamers. At one time, I had wished I could find someone that understood what it was to have a need to complete a portion of a single-person game (oh yeah baby, I've died here 20 times, NOW ITS A VENDETTA) or that 'I can't right now honey, the raid leader just called where we're raiding tonight and I've gotta get a move on it because you KNOW how long it takes to fly from Ashenvale'...
... but sadly, I've grown up a bit now. You can't always have what you want from life and MMO's take up ENTIRELY too much of my time. Especially now that I have Drake Fortune to cozy up with on the couch (Nathan Fillion TOTALLY needs to play him if it goes film franchise) and Alistair in Dragon Age to woo with silly trinkets. And especially since now I can finally (secretly) pretend to be that ninja without the need for painkillers, thanks to Assassin's Creed. Oo oo... and my bro is sending me Bioshock II for my birthday. Ahhh I siblings... gotta love 'em.
I will part on one final note... the majority of women play a role where the damage they do is removed from immediate harm. They are snipers, they are hunters, they are casters, they are healers... and sometimes they are tanks. Rarer still, you'll find them doing melee DPS but those are special in even their own way yet.
We do exist, we're not all hideous, we do have all our own teeth, come in all shapes and colours (and no, that shape is not always round, although most our colours are usually on the paler side of the spectrum, we too avoid the sun), we have our own lives, we have loved and lost and most of us have incredibly high standards. But most of those standards are based on intangible things... so before approaching us, tell me, could you beat me in Starcraft II? I guess we'll find out on launch date. Maybe it'll lead to a lunch date. But be prepared to be intimidated on one level or another... maybe they're especially pretty... maybe they're adamant in their opinions... perhaps they're a bit on the shy side... or maybe they even know more about technology than you do. ;)
Blizzard and Bioware forever! XOXO
Tamazon
(And if you don't believe its not a 40 yr old trucker named Bubba writing this, click for my homepage. I'm not a goddess, but I've won my share of hearts.)
H4PPY V413NT1N3S!!1!
Corie
Fri 12/02/2010 - 07:09
Gamers
Social gaming is a definate win. I play DnD every Monday for 5 hours or so with my roommate and a bunch of my friends... (we have a ridiculously large party) and I am a 19 year old girl. Granted the only female in the big party, we do exist. ^^ (Also, my best friend does play WoW she's a girl too.)
http://rareblackangel.deviantart.com/gallery/
Rachey
Fri 12/02/2010 - 09:55
Stigma
I'm an avid game player, but keep it in the shadows to avoid creeps.
"Girl gamers" of my age (junior in college)broadcast it to lure in males in hopes it will make them more attractive. I've always played games, but never talked about it unless it was around people I WANTED to talk about it with. I never wanted to be approached by that kid that says, "Whoa... you're a girl that plays games?? Do you play Halo/COD/Madden?"
I try to not bring it up unless genres I do play are mentioned. JRPG's, Magic the Gathering, action, or PC games like (Populous, Black and White, Mech Warrior etc.) even anime/ manga. I think most people don't want to be approached by strangers searching to have something in common without knowing the kind of person you are first. When someone approaches me I would like to hear "Hi... Nice to meet you." Not "You're a GIRL gamer????"
I believe the statistic, but I don't believe every female wants to broadcast it. As the future unfolds games are being integrated into our culture more and more. I'm sure one day it will be rare NOT to play games with how the Wii, 360, and PS3 are making it more appealing for all age groups and genders to play. However the controversy of hardcore vs. casual and what "defines" a gamer also plays a role.
Anonymous
Fri 12/02/2010 - 10:31
More evidence you shouldn't believe bullshit statistics.
Next thing you morons will tell me is there's no girl Linux users.
Anonymous
Fri 12/02/2010 - 14:44
plenty of girls
I've been a female gamer for the past 20 years. I play online (EQ) and tabletop games. (Not just D&D - you name it, we've played it) Our tabletop game has 3 or 4 women out of 6 or 7 players. Female gamers are usually not obvious because they don't want to be harassed and hit on by someone they don't know (or even a good portion of those they DO know). The article asks "When was the last time you got trash-talked on Modern Warfare 2 by the dulcet tones of a woman?".... Never, because trash talking is something for immature 13 year old boys. We take notice of who does the trash talking, and add them to the ignore list. We want to play the game, we don't want to have to deal with male ego issues. If you have to posture, you are too insecure/immature for me (and alot of other women).
tweakguin
Fri 12/02/2010 - 16:55
Gaming Girls
Well, I think this is hilarious. I am a female gamer, or used to be. I don't play anymore because I have no one to play with. If, however, my new boyfriend were to play WoW I might get back into it. For me it is the social aspect of being able to see and do things together in a game. I wasted I don't know how much time playing WoW, attempting to play Halo. I played Nintendo all the time with my dad and siblings when I was a kid. Not a hard-core gamer, never have been. Mostly, get to know a girl outside of the game, and bring her in slowly. Cuz if you're only dating cuz she's an awesome healer and you're the tank then eventually it'll fall apart.
Charles
Tue 23/02/2010 - 13:15
Girl gamers, always a catch
There's more girls gamers than ever, but it seems they come with a catch. They seem to be either fat or attention seeking - thanks to how many guys surround them, therefore making them un-loyal which turns them into complete nutters. STAY AWAY - This is the experience I had with all girl gamers I ran into when I used to play MMO's. I was never with one; I just heard alot of stories. But in saying that, alot of stereotypes can be applied to male gamers as well. The best advice here is converting a girlfriend. My girlfriend plays her DS quite abit, so from that I managed to drag her into some more gaming. It's still mainly casual gaming though, but atleast she pretends to be interested when I tell her about a game or I can get her to play something like New Super Mario Bros.
No offense intended here, just simple observations. If I could get more gold just because of my gender, I would too. As sad as it is, it’s the reason why so many guys tend to make female avatars online, oh yeah that’s another catch, they might be guys!
Conclusion: It's hard to trust "girl gamers"
14 yr old teen
Thu 29/07/2010 - 04:23
well, girl gamers(where im from)are hard to come by, thats what you get for livin in the boonies of michigan>_< but the girls i know have no interest in gaming and think im a total dork(i am, ill admit it) but still, theres a girl i no who was shocked to find out how popular even freakin' pokemon was (w00t,i am the pokemon master!! havent lost a single battle yet!) and she thought that gaming was pretty much dead. what a suprise it was when she had to take a trip to my place...my room is littered with classic and new games, been gaming since i was 4. (ahh, the days of the NES) now im more hardcore, playing halo, metroid FPSs, (and the classic 2d metriod, of course)COD, and TONS of RPGs ( i love final fantasy....Thank You SO MUCH Square Enix, glad the company merged after the SNES...) but my advice:dont start talking the topic of games with a girl....you dont know her interests, who she is, her upbringing, or whatever, its failed both epically and miserably for me....but one thing that most girls have in common:the Internet. and if you know your history of games, and shes more intellectual than most guys(i am actually extremely intellactual...strange for a 14 year old, huh?) you might want to start talking technology advancements. like the fact that the very first video game was made to demonstrate the usefullness of neucular power and how safe it can be.(little thing for those that dont know, the first video game was a tennis simulator.....and no it was'nt Pong!) but my experience isnt the best, of course, and i am still young, there will be other oprotunitiys. i would like to get a gamer girl, but it just seems impossible for my area. i close with these words: Final Fantasy Rules the RPGs Forever, The Legend of Zelda is EPIC and lastly, dont stare at a girl cuz she looks like Rukia or Orihemie from Bleach..it dosent help.....Bye!
Kelvyn
Wed 18/08/2010 - 07:50
Unlike most of my fellow gender I am not stupid enough to think that girl gamers are so rare. Girls who love games are everywhere! Most of the male part of the species are just too dumb to see it. Oh well less competition for me.
PS: Yes hot girl gamers if you must think that I'm talking about anyone below my standard. That's right, I was fat as a kid then it turned out I was good looking, imagine the shock on my face when I started getting hit on by valley girls.
PPS: I even dated someone online since I was too afraid to try the real thing and it just sorta happened. Well she was PERFECT in my eyes.
Anyways the point is DON"T BE SO SHOCKED WHEN A GIRL SAYS THEY ARE A GAMER. I show nothing but indifference, it just doesn't matter, it's trivial. It's like which tastes better, Dr. Pepper or Mountain Dew?
Mea
Sun 25/12/2011 - 06:31
One good tip would be to NOT ask for tit pics when you hear a woman on the voice chat in Cod. Watch my six and revive me when I'm taking out a tank in BF3 and I will love you.
Zippie
Wed 01/02/2012 - 22:00
Wtf?
I'm a girl gamer and pretty much only 3 of these tips will help a tiny bit LOL FAIL YOU JUST GOT OWNED!:)*jokes
That's my Xbox motto lol,
Anyway I have steam and xbox live too:)
Xbox:zippingbeef.
Steam:Zipping-Beef <3 Elise
Ainee
Fri 12/02/2010 - 05:30
#4 is key
My gentlemen friend is a hardcore gamer and the most experience I had gaming was on my Sega Genesis killing it (seriously) at Sonic. Within a month of hanging out at his apartment on a fairly regular basis, he convinced me to try my thumbs at D&D:Baldur's Gate on his PS2. It was love at first toggle with me playing a dwarf and him a leggy elf (yep, we're that couple).
We now share a love for gaming because he took the time to introduce me to the addiction through a game he knew that I'd like (as a theatre major in college, you have to like some of that middle ages stuff). He eased me in, instead of "hey, let's play 24 hours straight of WoW." That would have been a bit much.
Take it slow. Like anything else, getting someone to love your hobbies as much as you do will take time. If the chick really digs you, she'll want to share in your passion, not just be a bystander.