Science fiction's goofiest gadgets and technology

A preview of what gizmos won't be appearing in future editions of tech magazine columns

Another film that deserves to be mentioned in any worst-film-ever-made debate, "Santa Claus Conquers the Martians" is the story of several jealous aliens who kidnap Santa Claus to force him to make toys for their bratty little Martian kids. How bad is this movie? Well, the Martians are basically dudes who wear old-school leather football helmets that are painted green and that feature television antennae and vacuum-cleaner tubes as extremities. Additionally, medical experts have estimated that listening to the opening "Hooray for Santee Claus" theme song in its entirety will take approximately three weeks off your lifespan. Although most of the gadgetry in this film is extremely goofy, the "tickle ray" that the chief Martian uses to torture his subordinates deserves special mention. It's basically a long metallic probe that...well, I probably don't need to go any farther with this, do I?

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