The 'Oh Come On, Just Tell Us What It Is -- Are You Dying?' Update
"Lewis Davies just got some sad news."
"Abigail Evans feels sick about what happened today."
"Debby Stein can barely breathe over this."
You clearly have some big bad news -- so bad, in fact, that you can share only the vague news that you have news, not any of the details. As a result, the rest of us have to write you private messages, fearing that a wall post or status comment is too public
With the 'Oh Come On, Just Tell Us What Happened -- Are You Dying?' update, you elicit tons of sympathy and worry. But either your news is too sad and personal to bear mentioning on Facebook at all (so shame on you for exploiting it
) or you're being melodramatic (so shame on you for taking up our time and sympathy). None of that would happen if you just cut to the chase: Are you dying? Or did you just spill marinara sauce on your nice white pants?