The Ultimate Sex Swindle: The porn of Evony.com exposed

Eye candy rots your teeth

The old adage "sex sells" has never been more pertinent than it has been with the online real-time strategy game Evony. Doubtlessly you've seen these leery banner ads before. With their heaving unkempt bosoms, psychosexual taglines ("come play, my Lord!") and pouting damsels-in-distress, they're pretty hard to ignore. Whether you're checking your emails, playing a Flash game or visiting a forum, there's a good chance that an Evony harlot will be lurking seductively in the background -- occasionally with one of her friends in tow.

But do any of these saucy images actually have anything to do with the game? Or are they merely cynical ciphers designed to ensnare male gamers in a crap Civilisation rip-off? (If you weren't sure, those were rhetorical questions.)

Without question, Evony has perpetrated the worst case of misleading advertising since a bikini-clad Elle Macpherson spruiked Tab Cola in 1982. At least you could plausibly drink that stuff at the beach. To couch this in gamer's terms, imagine if Dead or Alive: Xtreme 2 had been a 2D chess simulator instead of the nubile volleyball perv-fest illustrated on the front cover -- Evony commits a similar hoodwinking crime on a daily basis.

The first batch of Evony ads at least tried to establish a tenuous connection with the game. The 'talent' was dressed in a vaguely Medieval-themed corset (albeit with an implausibly plunging neckline and come-hither stare). Since then, Evony's marketing campaign has gone all out with Eurasian models, lingerie catalogue rejects and porno DVD covers -- none of which have anything to do with the game. This reached its zenith with a context-free advert of the Evony logo nestled between a pair of big breasts.

Against our better judgement, we've assembled a slideshow of the worst Evony adverts to befoul our browser windows. Don't stare too hard -- you might go blind. And then you couldn't play Evony.

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