2. George “Lost It” Lucas
A little-known dark horse finalist for the job, Lucas is probably the second-wealthiest man in the world unbeknownst to Forbes because most of his money is buried under Skywalker Ranch in a secret vault guarded by steroid freaks dressed as Wookies armed with crossbows and lightsabers. He’s finally admitted to himself that he can’t write a successful book, a winning Star Wars script, or a grocery store shopping list anymore, so he’s looking for another role with which he can disappoint the public. Microsoft CEO would have been perfect. I’m still a bit surprised his garden-gnome facial expressiveness didn’t go over with the board. It would have helped in delivering speeches to the disbelieving press or outraged Windows customers.