I know what you're saying: "Here's a real original way to write a column." You are right. I am not the most imaginative guy in the world. But here's what I am thinking anyway.
What is the deal with Java? I mean, corporate network computers went out of style right before they shipped. And along with the death of NCs died the idea of applets replacing basic productivity applications -- software many of us are finally starting to master. Nobody bothers to give this news to the hundreds of thousands of programmers who continue to code away. So what the heck are they building? All this effort must be changing something, but no one seems to know what it really is. I'm dying to find out.
And what is all this hooey about Windows 98? If you listen to Microsoft, Win98 is for all those wimpy home folks, and the more powerful NT is for macho business types. Microsoft has got it backwards. The home has always had the real computers. Who moved to Win95 first? Who bought Commodore Amigas? Who bought OS/2? Well, maybe those aren't such great examples. But who got stereo speakers and CD-ROMs and colour printers first? That's right -- good old mums and dads.
People in their houses go nuts over all these new programs, buying or downloading the latest, greatest --1 and also the biggest -- software. Ever try to run Monster Truck Madness in 4MB? It's not pretty. Maybe Microsoft should just get plain old Windows to stop crashing all the time instead of pushing NT.
What's up with bandwidth? All these high-speed lines we have at work are a dream. But what about the poor people at home, with their souped-up machines, watching their modems gag on a simple home page? I'm starting to think that most browsing for enjoyment and buying on the World Wide Web is happening at work. Not in my case, of course. But those other people. ... Give me DSL, please!
And what is Microsoft Word's problem? Let's see now, Word has what, 1298 features? Some of them are even useful. But why can't it do the simplest things right, such as scrolling. Ever try to cut and paste more than a screen's worth of stuff? The cursor goes winging way past where you want. So you back up, and it wings way past where you started! Makes you feel stupid, until you realise it happens to everyone using every version. It almost makes me yearn for an Ellison/McNealy inspired Java word processing applet. You wouldn't have to worry about that baby scrolling too fast!