Stalin vs. Martians
The Red Army meets the Red Planet -- what can go wrong? We give you a play-by-play of this ambitious RTS.
- Clever idea and art design
- Terrible, buggy execution that's nearly unplayable
On paper, this game sounds like a million dollar idea. It's campy and hilarious in a good way. But it sounds like it just doesn't work in theory. In hindsight, combining ruthless aliens with a mass-murdering dictator probably wasn't such a good idea.
greyscale: Been reviewing too many big-budget games, lately; was assigned Stalin Vs. Martians earlier today in a nice change of pace. Looking forward to something new and original from the indie crowd.
greyscale: Installing Stalin Vs. Martians as I type this — love the box-art, press release and the tongue-in-cheek sensibility surrounding it. Really hoping the game can live up to its premise - but how can you mess up Communism and aliens? Booting up, now...
greyscale: Just began the campaign and... am quite confused. Not "quirky, zany" confused — just confused. Stalin Vs. Martians has a standard RTS lay-out, graphics aren't anything to write home about, and constant blaring Euro-Trance music is giving me a bit of a headache. After dying a few times, resorted to the five-page .PDF manual. Didn't find any instructions on how to play the game other than directions on rotating the camera and unit descriptions. Probably missing something incredibly obvious — I'll boot it up again.
greyscale: Finished my first mission by selecting units, randomly clicking the "Attack" button, then watching Stalin's army gun down barrages of neon Martians. Dead Martians leave behind giant coins, used to buy reinforcements or get temporary power-ups (health restore, speed up, armor upgrade, etc.) Called in an entire army of Red Army tanks before taking down large, three-eyed Martians and apparently beat the level. Tutorial stage, maybe? We'll see.
greyscale: Frustrated. Constant frame-rate drops and slide-show presentation are really hampering the... experience. Tried to change the resolution, but only accessible options are minuscule changes such as "Invert Mouse" and "Do You Like Cats?" My feline appreciation doesn't seem to make the game run any smoother. Units don't seem to go where I want them to go, and constant, repetitive one-liners are making my eyes twitch. One option I can appreciate is toggling the volume off.
greyscale: Am currently positive that my units are either suicidal or simply against me, as no matter what command I issue (out of all four of them) they rarely listen, turning themselves into alien cannon-fodder. Don't know when the "strategy" aspect of this strategy game will come into play, as I've just been pointing and clicking at things I want dead rather relentlessly since installation.
greyscale: Spent a king's ransom on reinforcements for latest mission, who all willingly charge directly into enemy fire. Tried again, this time with "Soviet Anthem" and "Rage" buffs. I think they died even more quickly, somehow. Am currently wondering if Stalin Vs. Martians is actually a game or a cruel joke. Still, music video cutscenes give me time to rest my "point, click and kill" finger. Don't know if that's a valid "plus", but marking it up as a pro.
greyscale: Lost track of time. Have spent most of the game's campaign waiting for enemies to attack my army as I stare longingly out of my apartment window, hoping my army somehow accidentally completes a primary or secondary objective. Thinking if I disconnect speakers, repetitive Russian techno music will stop haunting me. Giving up for the night — will boot up game tomorrow with copious amounts of coffee.
greyscale: Night's rest and all the caffeine I could handle isn't making this game any more enjoyable. "Repetitive" is the understatement of the century, as I haven't done anything but point, click and wait for hours on end. Also discovered that my army does better when I'm *not* commanding it, as they attack enemy threats on their own — but only when they feel like it. Starting to understand why Communism was such a hot topic. Framerate is still suffering, by some unholy miracle, and find myself skipping music videos in hopes of just finishing the game.
greyscale: Officially throwing the towel in and uninstalling the game. No clue what Stalin Vs. Martians was trying to accomplish, and by this thoroughly exhausted, caffeine-addled point, I really don't care, as I'm not going to get the past few days back. Charming idea met with terrible execution, deep fried in repetitive, unresponsive gameplay, more bugs than an ant farm and served with constant, nonsensical lag. Would like to end this with a witty comment or biting satire, but still absolutely boggled by how such a clever (is that the right word?) idea could go so horribly, horribly wrong.
Join the newsletter!
Apple iPhone X
Breitling Superocean Heritage Chronographe 44
Dyson Supersonic™ Hair Dryer Fuchsia/Iron
Bang and Olufsen BeoVision 14
Nespresso Creatista Coffee Machine
WD MY PASSPORT™ X Gaming Storage
WD MY PASSPORT™ Gaming Storage
cloudandco Smart Cane
Panasonic OLED 4K Ultra HD TV - TH-55EZ950U
Panasonic OLED 4K Ultra HD TV - TH-77EZ1000U
Toys for Boys
Bose SoundLink Micro
Google Daydream View VR Headset
LaCie Rugged USB-C Portable Hard Drive
Lego Mindstorms EV3
Propel Star Wars T-65 X-Wing Drone
UBTech First Order Stormtrooper Robot
Ubiquiti Network’s Front Row Camera
Leica M10 Digital Rangefinder Camera
Onyx Smart Walkie Talkie
PETKIG Go Smart Dog Leash
Amazon Echo Bluetooth Speaker
Dearear Endear In-ear Wireless Earphones
Panasonic Hi-Fi - SC-UA7GS-K
iRobot Roomba 980 Vaccum Cleaning Robot
Toffee Bags Commuter Satchel
Xbox One X
Panasonic 4K UHD Blu-Ray Player and Full HD Recorder with Netflix - UBT1GL-K
WD MY CLOUD™ HOME Personal Cloud Storage
Belkin Pocket Power 10,000mAh
Nest Protect Smart Smoke Alarm
Urbanworx Full HD Action Camera
3SIXT 3-in-1 Smartphone Lens Kit
Razer DeathAdder Expert Ergonomic Gaming Mouse
Lexon Flip Alarm Clock
Panasonic Portable Splashproof Fun - RF-D20U
Kogan Bluetooth Soundbar
Ikea NORDMÄRKE Wireless Charging Pad
Logitech Doodle Collection Wireless Mouse
Tile Pro Bluetooth Tracker
Raspberry Pi Starter Kit
Fallout Geeki Tikis
Most Popular Reviews
- 1 Huawei Mate 10 Pro Review: A solid winter flagship that cribs from the best
- 2 Google Pixel 2 review: not quite 'pixel perfect' but damn close
- 3 Google Home Mini review: a welcome addition to the smart speaker family.
- 4 Huawei Nova 2i review: Flagship features get smuggled into the mid-tier
- 5 Moto X4 review: This is what a world without MotoMods looks like
Latest News Articles
- Australian Destroyer joins in World of Warships
- Acer attempts to woo Australian gamers with reveal of its new Predator range
- Nintendo Switch software update: What does 4.0.0 feature and how to install it?
- Robot House announce vacuum-bot adventure game ahead of PAX Australia
- Wargaming launches ANZ servers for World of Tanks
PCW Evaluation Team
I would recommend this device for families and small businesses who want one safe place to store all their important digital content and a way to easily share it with friends, family, business partners, or customers.
It’s easy to set up, it’s compact and quiet when printing and to top if off, the print quality is excellent. This is hands down the best printer I’ve used for printing labels.
Brainstorming, innovation, problem solving, and negotiation have all become much more productive and valuable if people can easily collaborate in real time with minimal friction.
The print quality also does not disappoint, it’s clear, bold, doesn’t smudge and the text is perfectly sized.
The Huddle Board’s built in program; Sharp Touch Viewing software allows us to easily manipulate and edit our documents (jpegs and PDFs) all at the same time on the dashboard.
The biggest perks for me would be that it comes with easy to use and comprehensive programs that make the collaboration process a whole lot more intuitive and organic
- PC World 2017 Editors' Choice Awards Nomineees Announced
- LG V30+ review: The videographer's smartphone arrives
- Fitbit Ionic review: Impressive but not quite iconic
- What's the difference between an Intel Core i3, i5 and i7?
- Laser vs. inkjet printers: which is better?
Product Launch Showcase
- CCAutomation Test AnalystNSW
- CCSystem Analyst - AxwayQLD
- FT.Net Technical / Team LeadOther
- FT.Net DeveloperNSW
- FTSolution Architect - Security/DigitalVIC
- FTScrum MasterOther
- FTPlatform Software Engineer (Data Warehouse/Big Data) - Permanent - Sydney CBDNSW
- FTFull Stack DeveloperACT
- CCDrupal DeveloperNSW
- FTSenior Android DeveloperOther
- CCWintel Engineer - BrisbaneNSW
- CCRecruitment AdvisorNSW
- CCSenior Project CoordinatorNSW
- FTSERVICE DESK - ENTRY LEVELSA
- FTScrum Master | Immediate StartOther
- FTICT Business AnalystACT
- CCSenior Program ManagerNSW
- FTSenior Software Engineer - ContractOther
- FTPart-time Project Administrator (Agile) - TelecommunicationsOther
- FTBusiness Intelligence and Insights ManagerOther
- FTChange ManagerOther
- CCProject Delivery Lead - Oracle Banking Platform - Contract - SydneyNSW
- TPSenior Project Manager | LIS Program | IntegrationQLD
- CCNetwork Data EngineerVIC
- FTDevelopment manager - Product and PlanningOther