10 reasons to hate PC gamers

PC gamers: who needs 'em?

  • 10 reasons to hate PC gamers

    Just how do we hate PC gamers? Let us count the ways...
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #10: They're elitist twats

    If you're a video game fan with a soft spot for consoles, never, ever get into a conversation with a PC gamer. They will tell you at length, and with the utmost smugness, why their 'gaming rig' is vastly superior to your piddling little toy. FPS fans are especially open to ridicule, with the mouse-vs-controller argument forever on the tip of a PC gamer's silver-spooned tongue. To avoid these unsightly conflicts, we recommend bludgeoning them on sight with your Xbox/PS3.
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #9: 'E-sports'

    I'm sorry, but playing computer games is not a sport. I don't care how honed your Counter-Strike reflexes are. The whole 'e-sports' phenomenon is surely one of the most try-hard, laughably unimpressive professions in the world: and yet we're supposed to take these 'athletes' seriously. (Since when has sitting in a chair clicking a mouse been in any way athletic?)

    "My guys train five hours a night, five days a week, which is more than some professional footballers!" [[artnid:325186|Team Immunity]]'s manager once boasted. "...Maybe they don’t hit the gym as much." You don't say.
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #8: They're filthy pirates

    PC gamers seem to think they have a God-given right to illegally download computer games for free. This is stealing; plain and simple -- and it's affecting the industry in a big way.

    When queried about its [[artnid:338475|draconian DRM policies]], Ubisoft threw the issue back at PC gamers' faces, and rightfully so: "Are we frustrated by the PC market? I think everyone is. In the end it all comes back to one single truth: piracy is a big, huge, hairy problem. It's a market that suffered a lot because of piracy, and we're all just trying to figure out what we think is the best way to deal with it." In other words, pay for your games, you scroungers.
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #7: They make the rest of us look like nerds

    Once upon a time, playing video games was about as socially acceptable as owning a 12-sided dice. It was something nerds did in-between zit-popping and Star Trek marathons (or at least, that was the popular playground perception at the time). To talk incessantly about video games was to invite wedgie annihilation from all directions. Needless to say, it was a dangerous time to be a gamer.

    Thankfully, things have come along in leaps and bounds since then -- unless you're a PC gamer, that is. For some reason, PC gamers have refused to leave the tissue-strewn basement of our inglorious past. Most of 'em still play flight sims, war games and orc-filled RPGs: apparently by choice. They also have serious BO issues, as any LAN tournament will attest. Then there are PC gamer poster boys like [[xref:|Leeroy Jenkins]], [[xref:|Red Shirt Guy]] and that [[xref:|dude who tried to stick a remote control up his butt]].
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #6: They're shameless graphics whores

    PC gamers don't really care about gameplay. They’re more interested in teasing a few extra frames per second out of their ridiculously overpriced ‘gaming rig.’ When you spend more time fiddling around in BIOS than actually playing, it's time to face facts: you're no longer a gamer.
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #5: The have more money than sense

    So, you want to get into PC gaming huh? The first thing to do is grab an [[artnid:356886|Origin Genesis]] gaming PC: with an RRP of $10,893, it's an absolute steal! Or maybe you just want to upgrade your PC's graphic card to something a bit meatier? The [[artnid:328496|Asus R.O.G MARS]] is going cheap at just $1999! Perhaps portable gaming is more your bag? If so, the [[artnid:336864|ASUS Lamborghini VX5]] can be yours for just $3499! Bargains, all three of 'em!

    Alternatively, you could buy a [[artnid:219764|Nintendo Wii]], a [[artnid:317126|PlayStation 3]], an [[artnid:350674|Xbox 360]] and a [[artnid:341748|Nintendo DSi XL]] for a fraction of the price. But who'd want to go and do something stupid like that?
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #4: MMORPGS

    When your parents told you to get out of the house more, I don't think this is what they had in mind.
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #3: They're always complaining

    The average PC gamer is a moaning, winging waste of space who never runs out of things to complain about.

    Whenever a feature is cut from a game, or it doesn't live up to expectations, the PC gaming fraternity goes on a hysterical nerd-fueled rampage, with scores of online petitions, irate death threats and organised boycotts clogging the Internet. They make John McEnroe’s famed dummy-spits look like articulate debates.

    Is it any wonder that games publishers are abandoning the PC market in droves? It’s simply not worth the effort of releasing a PC game these days – even if it’s perfect, you guys will find something to nitpick. Presumably, you won’t be happy until the entire games industry has washed its hands of you. That day can't come soon enough
  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #2:

  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #2:

  • Reasons to hate PC gamers #1: L33TSPEAK

    Just when gaming was starting to make inroads into the mainstream, a splinter group of stuck-up PC nerds started to pretend they had broken keyboards. Apparently too cool for the alphabet, they substituted letters for vague number-based substitutes in a two-fingered salute to grammar.

    While it originated with computer hackers, Leetspeak quickly spread into the PC gaming community; making us all look like complete jackasses in the process. If you regularly pepper your online chat with ‘pwned’, ‘Noob’, ‘w00t’ and ‘Sux0r’ you’re part of the (gene pool) problem. Now rack off and die in a chemical fire. You shan't be missed.
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